bonjour.

it came from such an unexpected place
and i wonder why you tried,
although after one look in your face
i'm so thankful that you did.

it definitely wasn't easy
the road to here was rough
it's been amazing so far,
though at times it will be tough.

you came from out of nowhere
and swept me off my feet,
you weren't afraid to show you care
i think you are so sweet.

i never thought i'd fall so fast
these feelings are so deep,
i know that we can make this last
my promises i'll keep.

if at times you ever doubt me
please know my heart is true
i would never hurt you,
because i'm in love with you.

another second, minute, hour, day, week passes by like nothing, lost in the anticipation of summer. not that i'm not thinking that way, because i definitely am. i'm way ready for summer, and somewhat of a break. slightly ruined by AP homework but hey, that was my choice. i suppose i should think back on this past school year as it draws to a close. i rekindled a romance i shouldn't have last summer that lasted into october, only for me to realize we're not meant for that type of relationship. i tried a new sport and ended up realizing i love running? weird. i met some new friends, and became closer with others and definitely grew apart from some. i changed my view point on certain things and my thoughts about certain aspects of my life, such as what i look for in a friendship. i met someone who at the end of this year came to change my world, it just took a while. i realized that although i'm only finishing sophomore year, i need to start figuring out what i want to do after this. i took a trip to santa barbara, where i figured that out. i found the perfect college campus for me. gorgeous and right on the beach, not too far from home, or too close, and i'll definitely be able to have fun haha. they have a club lacrosse team which is cool with me if i do decide to play in college. and i figured out that i can major in english, minor in professional writing, and be able to not only take journalism classes, but a magazine writing class, which is perfect. i achieved some really great accomplishments in my lacrosse life, such as being all league and trying out for a national tournament. it's good to know my hard work is recognized, even if only a little. i think this was a changing year for me, i figured a lot of things out about myself and was able to grow a lot, and realize what does and doesn't matter to me.  i met someone who makes me smile everytime we're together. someone who i'm myself around, and who really knows me. who i can laugh with. who isn't afraid to tell me how he feels, and when he does, my heart beats faster and my stomach is filled with butterflies. someone who does all the things i always wished a boy would do for me, the things i didn't think actually happened. someone who when we're togther, we don't even have to say anything, we can just sit there together and we still have an amazing time. someone who makes me feel a way i've never felt before. so i'd say this year was a success, definitely harder than the last, but i know easier than the next. i suppose i'm ready for the challenge? junior year here i come? eh, before that, i have to get a job, inherit Papa Smokey (the camry), and turn 17. say whaaat? time flies. and i think we all need to realize that no matter how much something may suck at the time, it will pass, and something such as high school, if you just go and race your way through it, you'll look back on it and wish you would have done things differently. i want to look back and say that was one of the most fun times of my life. we just can't take things for granted, cherish every moment you have, and even the sucky things, just appreciate them at the least, because you're learning from them and they're making you stronger. i plan to have a fabulously amazing summer, enjoy every last minute of it, because lord knows it'll go fast, and fall deeper into this crazy amazing thing they call love.

 i am so over this ridiculous lifestyle here, and all the ridiculousness of so many other things in the world.
i'm sick of all the money and shit, the fact that a majority of high school students here drive ridiculously nice cars, the fact everyone has to have super nice stuff and always look perfect. i'm sick of being picked on for stupid stuff that i have no control over. im sick of people starving for attention and trying to get it in obnoxious and annoying ways. i'm sick of everything being so expensive, and not having enough money for it. i'm sick of stupid politics. i'm sick of the government trying to pull everyone out of the holes they dug themselves, and trying to "make everything better", when in reality they only make everything worse. i'm sick of the government taking our money and not doing anything we want with it. i'm sick of high gas prices. i'm sick of people who always have to be right, or who don't admit their mistakes. i'm sick of people who aren't grateful for all the ridiculously nice stuff they have. and who think that they deserve better or deserve something just as nice. if you have a nice car, house, phone, whatever, new or old, dont fucking complain, its nice and it works for you, some people don't have that at all. i'm sick of fake people. i'm sick of people who try and show off.
people here don't seem to realize how ridiculous they all are. we're so rich and snobby here, and even the people who have the least money around here, are still extremely rich to people in other places. everyone seems to think they deserve a nice car on their 16th birthday, and complains if they dont get one. everyone seems to think they need to have designer jeans, purses, sunglasses, clothes. people think these are necessities. i wanted a car for my 16th birthday, i didn't get one. i wanted a car when i got my license, i didn't get one. i've had my license for almost 4 months and i don't have a car. i'll hopefully have a car by the time i turn 17 in three months, it's a 1998 toyota camery with over 200,000 miles on it. at first i cared because i thought it was ugly and would break and everyone has nice cars. until i had an epiphany the other day and realized: i don't give a flying fuck. when it is mine, it will be mine, and get me to and from school, sports practices, work, friends houses and wherever else i go. i don't want to be like everyone else around here who has those nice cars and nice clothes and lots of money. i'd much rather drive my car thats a decade old and has a zillion miles on it than some new nice car like everyone else. 
you want to make fun of me? okay, see if i care. you want to be mean to be for no reason? okay, see if i care. you wanna see how much it takes to piss me off, or piss me of for your own entertainment? okay, i don't need to hang out with you, i have plenty of other people i can spend my time with. you want to pick on me because i don't have a perfect body and i'm not 5'8"? okay, see if i care. 
i'm over everyone else's opinions of anything having to do with me. you dont like my clothes, car, job, sport, hair, body. tell me or not, i don't care. your not going to change me no matter how hard you try. 

 yes, life is going really good and i think there are some fun things coming up that should be good. 
it's finally christmas break, a week into it, and it's been really good.
Jenna came home the 17th and that was good, i finished up school which was a huge relief to be off for a few weeks. Christmas was really good, i got a lot of money, $100 just to itunes, new uggs, lots of new clothes and new running stufffff. it was good, i didn't ask for anything specific and i think i got everything i needed, and money to buy whatever else i wanted. :)
two days after christmas on the 27th i, after a night of not a lot of sleep re-took my license test and passed only missing 2. that was a HUGE weight off my shoulders and i felt great about it. 
New Year's Eve is monday, and Eve is coming home from NYC that day and we're having a party at her house with a bunch of people. 
I really don't think there's anything else I could ask for. Brittany's sweet sixteen is in a few weeks, formal a couple weeks after that, the weekend after that is eve's sweet sixteen, and hopefully her getting her license, anddd thenn of course lacrosse season is getting into full swing soon. 
Things are going really well, i'm really happy, and i don't really think i need anything else :)

i live for real life. here and now. no regrets. friends. family. love. don't hold on because your afraid of hurting someone. it all has to end at some point anyway, everybody gets hurt, everybody is sad, it's a part of life, live it, learn it, embrace it. do what makes you happy. surround yourself with people who make you smile. smile a lot. laugh even more. listen to music. sing outloud. dance crazy. act crazier. eat junk food. flirt. don't care what people think of you. have fun. care. don't worry. talk. put yourself out there. tell them how you feel. know when the time is right. don't overthink. but think before you speak. live your life the way you want to. stand out. be yourself.

Ohh lord. Schools in full blast now. So is cross country. But so is life in general. Despite the fact that i'm permanently tired and sore from running everyday, life is really good and i couldn't really ask for anything else. Except to run like now slower that 22:40 at dana hills in a few weeks to redeem myself from saturday's invite. Life is good. Love is good. I am good.
My schedule for the next few days:
Tomorrow: Chem test, math, track workout (shoot me)
Wednesday:  English, World History, French, Cross country pictures, pre-meet day, dinner with dad
Thursday: Chem, math, Dual meet vs. San Clemente @ home course, hopefully a PR day.
Friday: English, world history, french, NO CROSS COUNTRY! WOOT! picking up cloe, sm homecoming football game with cloe, out to dinner with our boys afterwards.
Saturday: Nails done in the morning, pick up boutaneer, get ready, do my hair, matt's house for pictures, luke's house for more pictures, shogun for dinner!, SMCHS HOMECOMING!, matt's house afterwards?

I AM SO EXCITED, so really all i have to do is get through tomorrows chem test and our track workout and then stuff should keep my busy until friday night when the fun starts. =]. 
It's gonna be a good weekend. =D.

i must say that i am in the most amazingly good mood right now and i am in love with life it couldn't get any better <3

WOOHOO!
Today is my 16th birthday!!!!!!!!
last night my party was absolutely amazingggg. best party i've ever had or been tooo. limo, blaring music, downtown disney, mexican band, everyone singing me happy birthday, tony, crazy guy in laguna, cute boys coming up to the window, in n out, bob/miles/g/rashiqua, and best friends <3.
eeekk and today i got money and a tote purse thingy from my sister from italy, and my new lacrosse stick is coming any dayyyyyyyy.! =D.  ooh and new rainbows! ahh this was the best weekend everrrrr ever ever everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.!
and now i'm SIXTEEN!
6 days til my license!

ahh yes, life is good <3

Holy Smokes. I haven't updated in a really long time. 
Well summer has been WONDERFUL. Started it off with a bonfire with everyone, it was reallyy funn. Then I went camping with Jillian's family, which is my family. That was really nice, all I did that weekend was eat, sleep, read, and relax. It was exactly what I needed after all the stress of school. And it was really nice to read a book that i enjoyed, not something boring for english. And even though the river was really low it was still really beautiful. So I was able to think a lot and clear my head and just be able to enjoy my summer and go with the flow with whatever happens. Then Jenna was home when I got home, which was super exciting. So then I've just been hanging out with her, went to the beach, and got REALLY sunburnt. Went to Matt's for 4th of July, it was funn =]. And now i'm just hanging out, relaxing, enjoying my last week of being 15! 
ONE WEEK FROM TODAY IS MY SWEET 16!!!!!!!

we're crashing
into the the big unknown
we're lost in this
but it feels like home 
--Lifehouse // First Time